dropping petals

shoe shopping

Well...I was hanging around this gorgeous indoor mall with lots of glass and atrium areas. Shopping for whatever, who knows.

(shopping: looking for myself?)

Shoe salesman comes up, "how can I help you?"

I demand that whatever he shows me be comfortable.

He brings me these shoes that are almost identical to a pair that I already have. I'm all, "no no no. I already HAVE those."

In Real Life, these shoes are tired and I can't wear them anymore because they hurt my feet. The shoes in the dream were almost the same pair...but....prettier. Different. They had a nice lining, a more sophisticated brown trim. I liked them a lot. They were only 55 bucks, too.

I woke up before I could buy them, but I'm taking from this dream these ideas:

1.) I loved what I had, but I can't do it anymore. It hurts and I need to find something different.
2.) At first glance, things might not be what they really are. It could be something else...but similar.
3.) I'm done with uncomfortable bullshit. If I'm going to invest any more, I need to be comfortable.
4.) The price may not be as high as I expect.
5.) Even if I'm not sure what I'm looking for, someone can be there to help me. And if I make it clear what it is that I want (or don't want), those person(s) may very well have Just The Thing that works.
dropping petals


Apparently Anna had a snake.

Little brown thing....pretty nasty. We all know I hate snakes.

This little worm got out of his cage, and out of her room. All over the place we were searching for it, and I was terrified. Finally I found it in my bed. It bit my hand, and my hand got all bubbly and swollen. It went numb. I felt like I was dying because of it.

I was screaming and cursing. I woke up shaking and crying and twitching. I went back to sleep with the thought that there was in fact a snake slithering about under my sheets.
dropping petals


I don't dream anymore. I haven't for two weeks.
I don't remember dreams when I'm awakened by an alarm clock at 3:45am...

And the ones I may have during a nap in the middle of the day are not the same kind of dream...they're vivid and more body-sensations. They incorporate what may be happening in real situations so that it doesn't actually feel like you ever actually go to sleep.

Kinda makes me sad. I used to have a dream every night.
dropping petals


I was sitting in the old Kingdom Hall not recognizing ANYOne at all...which is surprising. I was clutching a red songbook, thinking I belonged there. People were gathering and collectively starting to sing, so I found a spot in the back...(the same place I sat after my family got disfellowshipped)

I kept moving around. Next thing I know I'm on the right side, staring at some people next to me. They are nothing special, but start laughing. I get the giggles like a kid in church, and suddenly I'm at the sound booth. My dad is there, I'm sitting next to him on the right...I consider stealing the bar stools for my apartment.

we start talking in low tones. He tells me that he is suspicious that this meeting is in fact Scientology, not Jehovah's Witnesses. We laugh uncontrollably. I decide to test the theory.

I'm suddenly on the left of the auditorium sitting near the front. Tom Cruise is in front of me, snuggling with Katie Holmes. I think "wow, maybe she really IS hooked on this shit. I thought she was smarter than that." She turns around and smiles at me, but her face looks like Francesca's.
I start laughing, again. People tell me to shh.

People start singing again, and I prepare to bolt out the door. my dad already has the van ready and the bar stools in it, I decide to stop at the back counter and ask for a program. I told him I was looking for a Jehovah's Witness meeting...the man freaks out and points at me.

wake up?
dropping petals

another piano

I was upstairs in some really cramped attic not unlike the one in real life that MAH has in his house....

He was gone, and I decided that it was OK for me to "borrow" the piano. I took it apart, carfully put down the lid and unscrewed the legs. I hoisted it up by myself and carried it all the way downstairs and to my truck. This 9 foot steinway weighs probably half a ton...but it was just a slight annoyance to get it by myself. My truck was the '80 toyota that has rusted through bed panels...but I didn't care. I knew it would hold.

I drove for hours with this piano in the back of my truck. It had definately occured to me that I was being irresponsible with such a sentimental and prized posession worth $100k. I took it wherever and set it back up. I noticed a severe crack...it dawned on me that I must have smacked it on the staircase or something.

I don't remember the ending...something about being in a parking lot....I felt massive regret and sorrow over taking such a beautiful thing for granted.
dropping petals

The Awakening.

I was playing this song on the piano...and it was incredibly clear. It was one of those things where I'm starting out playing, but I end up going on a journey in the woods and rivers and lakes while a part of me is still inside moving some fingers. It was gorgeous and I could have stayed there forever...

The funny thing was...I was playing MAH's new song.."The Awakening". Once I had identified consciously what the piece was and what it was named in my dream, I woke up.

how fucked up is that?
dropping petals


I had a dream that some random latino man was passed out in my flower garden. Someone else walked into my makeshift room and told me that Evan had died...

there was more, but I'm too groggy.
knife in the mirror

tears in your hand

I drempt that I kept dreaming about sobbing.

I was analyzing my dreams IN my dream...I noticed that in every scenario someone new was there to make me cry. Men, mostly. Older men. White hair. One lived in a tree...one lived on the water.

It was as if every element was represented by someone...and they were all out to get me to cry.
knife in the mirror


I dreampt that Jonny shaved his head *for work* for whatever reason, and I didn't notice for an entire day.

there are several issues here: first off, I was extremely disappointed in myself for not noticing. I think it represents how I can not pay attention to something that is important to him, and legitimately be stunned when it's brought to my attention. and yes, I FEEL BAD. second, when looking up *bald* in my dream book, it says "what are you trying to give up and are afraid to lose?"


HAHAHAHAHHA so yea. My brain is smarter than I am.


I also remember waking up choking, I couldn't breathe and I was sobbing. I thought I was going to die, because I couldn't get ANY air. I have NO idea what I was dreaming about though, I know the choking was in my dream. I remember vaguely something about a dog.....no...no..I have no clue. I dont know if it was a dream or not, but I said to Jonny, "*gasp* help!!" and he goes "what's going on? You've been crying all night!" and I go, "allllll night????" and then THUD and I was gone again. I'm not sure if that was a dream or real, I guess I'll find out later....so fucking wierd.
dropping petals


I was flying through the air over a freeway, what I thought was I-5. Out of NOwhere, this helicopter/van thing was flying beneath me and I was like "dammit! I gotta get down!". I tried to nonchalantly get back on the ground without the cop/helicopter seeing me.

once on the ground, I realized I didn't have a damn clue where I was. So I get off at the next exit...says "oakridge". Where the crap is Oakridge? Anyway...I pull over on the side of the road and get out to inspect the situation. This young person comes up to me and tries to give me a doll made out of real human skin. He hands it to me and I scream and drop it into the gravel. he picks it up and "tsks" me for not holding on to it, apparently it's precious. I go back to my car, the windows are down, the car's unlocked, and my goddamn purse is stolen. I get very angry and wake up.

I go back to sleep, (this is why my drams are crazy-- I'll wake up in the middle of em and go back to sleep but still keep dreaming the rest) I'm in a place like Zupans or Wild Oats, and my cell phone rings (I guess even with my purse stolen I'll still have my phone, heh). It's the guy with the human skin doll. He admits to stealing my things, and then ASKS ME the PIN number for my cards. I laugh, tell him they've already been cancelled, there's nothing of value to him in that purse except for the eleven bucks cash that I'm sure has already been spent.

Then I mention that I had 4 kittens in the purse, and he better not have lost them, and needs to return the purse to me. (?)

A little while later the skin doll guy walks through the door of the Nature's, and tells me my purse is around the corner. He leaves, I go look, and it's at the TOP of a pile I can't reach...so someone comes to help me. I am digging though it and I run outside--into my DOG and my CAT who are wagging their tails on the sidewalk waiting for me. Everything seems complete, I'm happier than ever before..even my car's fender is fixed and it's all shiny.

and I open the zipper on part of my bag I remember the kittens. I thought "wait I didn't have any kittens in here...??" but I did. 4 of them, two were wiggling around and very much alive. two were NOT wiggling around and I wasn't sure if they were dead....I had just touched one..it was sorta luke-warm. I started freaking out and got really upset when I woke up...and I couldn't move for a second.

Not as shocking or scary or stressful as some, but DAMN it was linear and real.